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A new diagnosis


Last night, we received the news that explains so much about Elijah. We have answers to why Elijah’s struggles with school have been so overwhelming. We have answers to why so many things that work for typical children, and even ADHD children, are not working for him. Not only does he have ADHD, but Elijah now also has a diagnosis of autism.
I had to pause and just stare at that sentence for awhile after I typed it. The implications of that statement are huge, and so much to process. Through the whole evaluation process, I had suspected it was coming to this, but now, seeing it typed out by my own hands somehow makes it even more real to me.
I am sure everyone is wondering how I feel about all of this. There was a time when I would have been in denial, and never wanted to accept the news. I would have explained away so many things that might have indicated this diagnosis. But, over the past year or so, seeing how profoundly being in school has affected my son’s entire life, I see things I never saw before. I have seen him struggle immensely, and have come to believe there absolutely had to be an explanation for his struggles that was far beyond something he was in control of. I have seen him endure so much pain. Having this diagnosis opens the door to him receiving help, and gives hope that he won’t be miserable all of the time when he is at school, because he can have accommodations to make things easier for him to cope with.
Is it still difficult to accept? Absolutely. Thoughts of how this diagnosis will affect the rest of his life are always running through my mind right now. Of course I worry. I worry all of the time. I worry in my sleep. I have dreams about it. I wonder why my son was born with this in his DNA. I grieve over the loss of the life I thought he might have. But, I also realize that he is still the same person he has always been. Nothing about him has changed. What is there was always there. It just has a name now- one that can bring services and help for him.
I am going to be writing in my upcoming posts about the signs that have been there that something was different from the time he was very young, and the process I have been going through emotionally re-examining these signs with a new perspective and realizing things that I missed. This has all been a huge part of me coming to terms with the diagnosis and accepting it for what it is. I have been writing about them through the entire diagnostic process, but now that the diagnosis is official, I feel I can share those writings.

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