Today, I would like to talk about something that is extremely important that I have learned as an autism parent. It has changed everything about the way I respond to certain behavior, and made both my life and my son’s so much easier. That lesson I have learned is this- that it is absolutely essential to figure out what is causing a behavior before jumping to the conclusion that it needs to be punished. What we as adults view as difficult behavior is often a child’s response to overwhelming emotions and overwhelming stimuli. For so many years, when Elijah was not yet diagnosed, I tried to punish him for things that were simply a reaction to overstimulation or inability to express emotions. I had no idea that what I was doing was actually perpetuating the problem. Yet, I always wondered why it didn’t work. Now, it has become clear to me, and I am ashamed of myself for the ways I handled his behavior when I didn’t know. You can punish someone over and over again for the ...
Something that we deal with often with Elijah is that he becomes fixated on one idea at a time, and it can be very difficult to shift his focus on to anything else, including daily tasks that need to be done. Whatever the idea is, it is going to happen. He is going to make sure of that. And, if, it doesn't.... well, God help us all! This is one of the reasons that the day to day can be so tough. He often comes up with these ideas while he is at school, then expects them to be carried out immediately, completely on his terms. Inflexibility is a huge issue with him. And anyone who regularly deals with a person who is often inflexible, for any reason, knows the exhaustion that comes along with that. So, anyway, I will be driving to pick him up from school, and in my mind, I am thinking of things that will need to be done that evening. After I get him, we need to pick up Owen, we need to head home and start practicing his spelling words, I need to make dinner, I need to make ...